It's a Soap Opera Running an Airbnb with my Thrifty New England Husband

No one likes to lose and nobody wants their losses hung out to dry. Last November I did both when I ran for the United States Senate.

It wasn’t just losing the election. That was no surprise. It was losing by so much. The magnitude was sobering.

Worse was the post-election mourning period. It was like death—nobody knew what to say.  Neighbors avoided eye contact at the IGA. Party invitations dried up. My tweets were retweeted no more.  

Public rejection is not a confidence-builder.  It is hard work and hard on relationships.  The agony of defeat doesn’t stop the world from turning though, it just adjusts the focus. I knew I was writing my own script. I needed to take on a new challenge and succeed.

The big purge was step one. We had a massive yard sale to clear the deck and help clear my head. Good-bye futon mattresses, lava lamps and bumper stickers! Sayonara old toys, palm cards, T-shirts and yard signs.

Truck loads of stuff was carted out of my life, creating space for opportunity and hope to creep back in.

The Dill for U.S. Senate campaign office became the Pillar Suite—a place for people to come and enjoy a beautiful coastal town in Maine. We have a listing on the chic Airbnb website and host guests from New York City, Montreal, Los Angeles and beyond.

And it turns out I’m not such a loser after all.

“Cynthia was a terrific host, ” said Jordan from Waitsfield, Vermont.

“Cynthia took great care in giving us fresh dishes and rinsed out the coffee pot for us each morning,” commented Christine from Brooklyn.

“As a host, she was VERY accommodating and responded quickly before and during the trip to all my inquiries (thank you!). I would definitely stay with Cynthia again…”

Our guests love the robust coffee, fresh orange juice and Greek yogurt I leave in the shiny new refrigerator. They appreciate the maps and brochures I carefully organize on the desk. They snack on the variety of granola bars I arrange in a pretty clay bowl. They sleep well in the sheets and blankets I bought on line at JC Penny.

Don’t get me wrong. Life as an Airbnb hostess is not without its challenges.

Ten months ago, I worried about crafting pithy position papers on national issues, now I fret about finding soap small enough to satisfy my husband’s thrifty nature. You see, the small bars of Dove we purchase for the Pillar Suite cost as much as the large bars and both get thrown out long before their utility is expired. The waste is killing my one and only.

So, we scour our house for unused hotel soaps and bottles of body wash. We compare soap prices at CVS to Hannaford’s and Whole Foods.  We consider alternatives, and watch YouTube videos about recycling by boiling soap lumps with pieces of balsam or lemon peel.

It’s a struggle, but we’re up for it. Every day and every guest present an opportunity. Life is exciting and rewarding.

As long as we can re-invent ourselves to serve and bring comfort to others the American Dream lives on, I’m happy to report.  

Maine Dems and the Bluegrass State

When GOP Senate Leader Mitch McConnell worked like a maniac to kill a bipartisan transportation bill championed by Susan Collins that would put people to work fixing bumpy roads and crumbling old bridges, the senior senator from Maine publicly offered no explanation.

“I can’t speculate on why. All I can tell you is he has never worked harder against a member of his own party than he did against me today.”

McConnell's efforts to squash months of hard work included standing guard at the voting desk in the austere senate chamber while sheepish GOP senators flipped their "aye" committee vote to "nay."

Was Collins the only Republican joining Democrats on a terrible bill? Or was it Republicans abandoning one of their own and good legislation for purely political reasons? 

McConnell says he was only protecting the Sequester. That awful, foolish legislation opposite the transportation bill. He says Congress should not be spending tax payer money on things tax payers need and want. He intends to prove by example that government is the problem in the hope he can get re-elected to further disassemble it. 

Apparently most Senate Republicans agree with him, while Washington Democrats describe our Maine Republican senator as a Profile in Courage.

Independents meanwhile wring their hands about abuse of the filibuster they could help change with just a bit of courage and gumption. 

So what about the 2014 election, and Maine's profile in the U.S. Senate?  

Running against Senator Collins will be a memorable, rewarding, expensive and very lonely experience for most Democratic contenders. Trust me.

Our own party apparatus in the capital city will leave our Democratic candidate left to fend for herself, not because she is a terrible candidate but for political reasons. 

A compromise is surely in order! Maine Democrats can help elect Alison Lundergan Grimes, the Kentucky Democrat running against Mitch McConnell.

Braun, Spitzer, Garcia, Weiner, Deen and Me

I wish to apologize to anyone I may have disappointed.

I apologize first, and most importantly, to my family. I apologize to the public, whom I promised better. I do not believe that politics in the long run is about individuals. It is about ideas, the public good and doing what is best for the Party (sic). But I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself. I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family.

I feel sick about it. I'm truly, truly sorry. And I hope we can kind of settle things down and hopefully move on. 

In fact, I beg for your forgiveness ... please forgive me for the mistakes that I've made.

You see me in the grocery store and feel so awkward. You bump in to me on the beach or at the court house and don’t know what to say. You are embarrassed and humiliated, and I take full responsibility.

I have hurt the people I care about the most and I am deeply sorry. I have not been honest with myself, my family, my constituents, my friend and supporters and the media.

So...we good?

America's Changing Voice

The world listened intently when Barack Obama spoke about the killing of Trayvon Martin. 

The President recounting the story of being followed in a department store and feared on an elevator was disarmingly personal, and very generous. He gave powerful voice to otherwise ignored black teenage boys. 

No other American president, Democrat or Republican, could match the depth of Obama’s remarks about the corrosive bias that pervades the lives of black men because they never walked in the shoes of a black man. Obama not only can relate to Trayvon Martin, he was Trayvon Martin.

National and international events are interpreted and reported by white men in the U.S. but because “liberal” and “conservative” angles are offered, we are made to believe there is balance in perspective. But of course there’s not. 

We are a better nation because we got an authentic reaction to the death of a 17 year-old black boy from our president, speaking from the heart as a black man. 

Imagine an America when events unfolding around the country and the world are interpreted and reported by our president speaking as a woman. 

Justice Is Not Blind

If you serve an incapacitated person alcohol and let them borrow your car, it’s no surprise that if they hit and kill someone, you will be held accountable. You will be punished and have to pay for the harm caused. The chances are you won’t repeat the mistake.

The laws that apply to you and me are meant to deter bad behavior on the one hand, and provide justice to those harmed on the other.

It may come as a surprise that the same rules don’t apply to the manufacturers and sellers of guns. These companies have a unique law on the books that shields them from legal liability. In light of the recent shooting tragedy in Falmouth, Maine, now is a good time to talk about whether Cabela’s should be held to the same community standards of care as everyone else.

The last thing on Thomas Leighton’s mind, of course, is whether he should sue Cabela’s, the company that sold the weapon his mentally ill son used to murder his wife of 48 years. He’s understandably busy coping with a death and criminal trial.

My heart breaks for the Leighton family.  I didn’t know her, but when I read about Shirley Leighton and that she would talk about her son and cry, I cried. It’s tragically unfair that this hard-working devoted wife, mother and grandmother was shot in the head by her own child as she tried desperately to get him the medical help he needed.

No words can describe the agony that the Leighton family must be experiencing on so many levels. Their story, however, begs for a solemn and respectful community conversation about our values and the justice system.

It’s not fair that after 48 years of marriage, Thomas Leighton has to spend the rest of his life alone questioning what he should have done to protect his wife.

It’s not fair that only after he killed his mother, will Andrew Leighton get the institutional support and medical attention he obviously needs to treat his mental illness.

The shocking reality is that Cabela’s will likely not be held accountable for selling the obviously incapacitated and deranged Andrew Leighton the gun he used to shoot his mother, or giving him the bullets that killed her on May 3rd.  And this isn’t fair either.

The silence of corporations following a tragedy compared to the massive amounts of corporate “speech” used to lobby members of Congress is stunning. In 2005 the NRA’s top legislative priority for its members was passage of “The Protection of Lawful Commerce Act,” a law that grants manufacturers and sellers of guns and ammunition immunity from lawsuits. Millions and millions of dollars were spent lobbying to get this legislation passed.

Since corporations are people in the eyes of the law, spending huge sums of money to get laws passed like the Protection of Lawful Commerce Act is apparently a legitimate exercise of the First Amendment right of free speech. With rights comes responsibility for the rest of us. Why should corporations get one without the other?

In the aftermath of the Leighton tragedy, the law will likely be used as a shield against any potential claims brought by the family seeking justice for Shirley’s murder, even though Cabela’s apparently sold  AndrewLeighton the gun used to kill when he was at the height of a mental health crisis and obviously impaired beyond reason.

Treating powerful special interests differently is not what laws are supposed to do.

The law that was passed to shield the gun industry from responsibility for selling incapacitated people like Andrew the guns they use to kill people like Shirley is a bad law. There is nothing to deter profit seeking corporations from doing harm, and there is no method for people harmed to seek justice.

Some will argue the law protects the gun industry from “politically motivated” lawsuits that could bankrupt weapons makers, but the U.S. gun industry racked up over $10 billion in sales in 2012, and $900 million in profit. It can afford to be held accountable for bad acts.

In America, real people are hauled in to court when they breach the community’s standard of care. A jury of their peers determines an award of money damages that will deter irresponsible and reckless behavior going forward, and fairly compensate for the harm caused. If gun corporations have a First Amendment right to lobby the United States Congress with millions of dollars in order for them to sell billions of dollars worth of weapons, they should be subject to the same standards as the rest of us, and take responsibility for reckless behavior.

If we want to deter corporations from recklessly selling guns to incapacitated people, we must subject them to the American system of justice and hold them accountable in a court of law.

Justice for Veterans

With so many victims coming forward, and so much heartbreaking evidence of sexual assault and rape in the military, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel and the U.S. Congress must take urgent action to address this epidemic of violence to women, and to many men, in uniform.

These are not isolated cases; these are not cases of “he said, she said.” These are horrifying statistics that harm the credibility and mission of our military. There is a pattern of violence here that cannot be denied, one that subjects its victims to injustice, inaction, denial and retribution.

But now the silence has been broken. These brave victims have stepped forward to say, “No. Not again.” Given their courage, can our national leaders find the same strength to finally face the truth and demand a solution?

We believe the answer is yes. Now that this terrifying reality can no longer be ignored, urgent action must be taken.

We salute U.S. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, D-NY, new Chair of the Armed Services Subcommittee on Personnel, for her promise to hold an important hearing on what she has labeled this “reprehensible problem.”

Sen. Gillibrand has vowed to find solutions, telling the media: “We have 19,000 sexual assaults a year happening — and only a small handful of perpetrators being prosecuted and discharged.

“The committee not only can shine a light on military sexual trauma, more importantly we want to develop a response to reduce and eliminate whatever level of tolerance there is for this type of behavior.”

We agree. And like Sen. Gillibrand, we insist that real action be made to resolve this violence, to give the victims some sense of closure and to prevent future harm.

One issue often overlooked is how to fairly compensate the hundreds of thousands of veterans who have suffered the consequences of sexual assault and rape. Many have had their lives ruined. Many are haunted by their experiences and can no longer make a living due to related injuries of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and other debilitating illnesses.

With nowhere else to turn for help, these victims often come to us as a last resort. They come for some kind of resolution, for closure, for help.

We are here, then, to bear witness to their plight.

Some of these veterans call us from homeless shelters; others phone from cars that have become their homes. Some send us handwritten notes because they don’t have access to a computer. Others are driven to endless research, day and night, searching the global Internet for support and validation. Each individual story is gut-wrenching.

This is wrong. This is immoral. This is unjust.

This is not the way America should treat its warriors.

What these veterans seek, and what we intend to bring them, is acknowledgement, justice and reforms.

Our fights are just beginning in the courts around this country, and we believe a tsunami of claims is imminent as judges awaken to their duty and power to provide a remedy to the men and women who have sacrificed so much for our freedoms and democratic form of government and then been ignored.

We must develop a strategy to redress the wrongs that have been done to these soldiers, sailors and marines.

Surely as Americans, we can figure out a way to provide some modicum of relief to these injured veterans – our children, sisters, brothers, neighbors and friends.

We urge Secretary Hagel, Sen. Gillibrand and the Congress to do a few simple things, urgently.

First, issue a public apology to those who have been harmed. Second, make an appropriation to allow some redress of the financial hardships that have been shouldered. Third, establish a claims process without delay for eligible veterans who have been raped, sexually assaulted and subjected to other forms of violence.

This three-pronged remedy is not unique, nor is it unrealistic. The same model is being used to redress discrimination inflicted by the U.S. Department of Agriculture on black, Hispanic and women farmers.  

This remedy will avoid endless courtroom battles for these veterans, who honestly have endured enough battlefields for a lifetime. Let’s not make them fight again at home.

We cannot give back what was brutally taken from the veterans raped and assaulted while serving this nation. But we can apologize for what they have lived through, and we can make a deserved gesture of compensation.

Money will help these veterans get the care, education, housing and stability they need and deserve. A public apology and acknowledgment will validate their plight. And more: it will salute their bravery in coming forward with their stories and it will serve to speed much-needed reforms in our military justice system.

Our veterans deserve no less.

It's Time to Smash the Brass Ceiling

The staggering number of sexual assaults committed against American women serving in the military is 19,000 per year. Only when the law recognizes women who fight as warriors will this number be reduced.

That’s why both a lawsuit recently filed in U.S. District Court in California and last Thursday’s announcement by Defense Secretary Leon Panetta that the “combat exclusion” policy of the Department of Defense will be revised are welcome news on many fronts. The end to legalized discrimination will give 214,000 active-duty American servicewomen the opportunity to compete for 238,000 positions across the Armed Forces currently denied them because of their gender. It also means women will be less likely subject to sexual harassment and assault.

Don’t just take my word for it. General Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joints Chiefs of Staff, agrees.

“I have to believe, the more we can treat people equally, the more likely they are to treat each other equally,” Dempsey is quoted as saying in a story reported in the Christian Science Monitor.

The combat exclusion policy was adopted during the Clinton Administration in 1994 and says women can “be assigned to all positions for which they are qualified, except that women shall be excluded from assignment to units below the brigade level whose primary mission is to engage in direct combat on the ground.”

This rhetoric doesn’t reflect the real life experience of soldiers fighting in today’s military theatres, however, and causes real and lasting harm. It both stifles opportunity, and nurtures the abuse of power. So while politicians wrestle with the issues of equality of opportunity and freedom from assault in committee rooms, some women are taking their fight to the court room.

Major Mary Jennings Hegar is a combat helicopter pilot who served three tours in Afghanistan for the Air National Guard. She successfully completed a grueling training program that qualified her to fly medevac missions in extremely dangerous combat conditions on a daily basis in remote mountains. Her helicopter took direct fire regularly, and on one occasion her aircraft was shot down as she was evacuating injured soldiers. Hegar herself was shot and she returned fire. Ultimately she was able to successfully complete the rescue mission. For this she was awarded the Purple Heart, recognizing her “outstanding heroism and selfless devotion to duty.”

Because of the combat exclusion policy, Major Hegar is barred from competing for thousands of advanced positions, leadership training and entire career fields solely because she is a woman. Hegar and others brought suit in federal court alleging the policy violates their rights to equal protection of the law, as secured by the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution.

All women are denied career opportunities like Hegar. Meanwhile half of the women deployed to Afghanistan with her report being sexually harassed, and one quarter report they were sexually assaulted. This is no coincidence. When women are by law declared unfit to carry out essential functions of the armed services because of their gender, they are not treated equally. The official policy that legalizes discrimination creates an automatic power imbalance, with only men at the top. Sexual harassment and assault in the military is about the abuse of this power. Lust and uncontrollable testosterone have nothing to do with it.

The lifting of the combat exclusion policy is good news for women directly and their families, and for the United States as a whole. Equality of opportunity will increase combat-readiness, strengthen the Armed Services, and reduce oppression, harassment and abuse within the ranks. The political attempt to address the issue is welcome, but will be the subject of compromise. Also attacking the issue in the court room is important. A declaration that women soldiers have a constitutional right to equal protection of the law will both serve as a deterrent of harassment and assault, and a much needed remedy.

I applaud Secretary Panetta and the Joints Chiefs of Staff for taking the first step towards aligning America’s military policy with the reality on the ground for our troops. I also am grateful to Major Hegar and others for demanding justice in the United States District Court. We honor the sacrifice of those who serve by forever striving for more freedom, more liberty and more equality.

Follow me on Twitter @dillesquire