Friday, September 3, 2010

Monkey Business

An artist would draw the three monkeys to resemble Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin at a tea party.  Pouring from the spout into each cup would be money. The caption would read, "hear no facts, see no facts, and speak no facts."

You are no artist, though, so when the epiphany strikes, a  thousand words gush out all over your blog explaining why these iconic leaders of the free world lie.

El Rushbo, Glenn and Sarah's pathological lying is caused by rare medical conditions.

Completely deaf until he got a bionic ear, Rush now gets his facts directly from Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man. Every time Rush alludes to the President as "Imam Obama," he gets six million bucks, and a new wife every 100th time he suggests Obama wasn't born in the United States. It works out pretty good for Rush, considering his disability.

Glenn Beck is going blind and (according to him) is too damn lazy to learn braille. No wonder why, as he was "restoring honor" in front of the Lincoln Memorial last week he said, "I went to the National Archives, and I held the first inaugural address written in his own hand by George Washington." This is completely false, of course. What he was really holding was his new $2 million Fox News contract. He just couldn't see it.

If the blind leads the blind, both will fall in to a ditch, but if the Blind leads the Tea Party, he gets rich. Now you get it.

Sarah 'Barracuda' Palin's primary diagnosis is, of course, being a beautiful woman, but its her zoophilia that best explains her speech impediment. This mama grizzly took down a moose, field dressed it, and turned it in to chili before shooting that cute helpless wolf from a helicopter (or was it a caribou?) No wonder why she can't speak.

You think back when as Governor she blurted, "we're gonna consider how to manage the public's expectation desiring the lawmakers and the public acknowledge these are short-term temporary funds that should not lead to government growth two years from now when the dollars are gone, and we will...we will consider on a case by case basis whether the dollars need to be applied for or the dollars that are in the budget today could or should be vetoed. It's going to be a long process still in deciding what to do with the dollars."

It makes a lot of cents now.

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